[Below is a cheeky abstract from Huffington Post, you can read the unabridged article here.]
Electric shivers of euphoria ripple throughout her naked body... The rhythm of their breath mirrors the push and pull of their craving hips and entwined bodies. Her heart pounds and her genitals throb, wet with the thirst of desire. As her hands explore her lover’s body with reckless abandon, she inhales his dizzying scent and tastes the saltiness of his skin. She feels vibrant aliveness in her parting lips as she moves down his torso.... Intoxicating energy reverberates throughout her gently rocking body. After her lover climaxes with a deep release and exhale, he pulls her close to his broad and gratified smile. He holds her with a firm and strong caress before his face descends and dips between her softly quaking thighs...
The sexy example above illustrates how mindfulness can enhance sex by increasing sensual connection, or maybe it's just an excerpt from some beach erotica; either way, I know it got me titillated reading it. Want to reenact your own adult romance novel? Here are some practices for you and your partners to embrace together (I have rearranged this order based on what I have personally found to be the most true for me and my partner experiences):
Practice acceptance & non-judgement
- Let go of expectations. There is no pressure to be perfect, to perform, or to orgasm. You and your lover, your bodies, and your time together are to be enjoyed. Period.
- Separate from ego & unplug from shame.
- Detach from mind/thought/criticism. Connect with your body. Immerse yourself in the sensations.
- Let go of the need to control. Trust in yourself, your lover and the process. Enjoy the thrill of the unanticipated and unexpected ride.
Be present & aware
- Minimize distractions. Turn off the television. Silence your phone.
- Focus your attention on your sensual awareness (the curvature of the body, the softness, the slipperiness...)
- Avoid internal mind-chatter about worries about your body or your performance (this is referred to as “spectatoring” because it prevents you from being present in the experience by putting you in the role of the observer).
- Breathe in for five seconds, hold for five seconds, release for five seconds. Even one minute a day can make a difference.
Invite new possibilities
- Detach from fear. Understand that vulnerability is sexy.
- Be welcoming. Be receptive. Be open to new experiences.
Breathe consciously & deeply
- Breathe down to the abdomen, giving attention and energy to the sexual regions of the body.
- Synch the rhythm of your breath with your partner’s and deepen it together. This can prolong and transcend your sexual experience